It Must Be Me: Owning My Growth and Helping Others Along the Way
Life can feel overwhelming when I stop and think about how much is outside my control. My genetics, my upbringing, the environment I was born into—they’ve all shaped me in ways I didn’t choose. The world, chaotic as it is, often throws things at me that I could never have predicted. But even with all of that, I’ve come to realize something critical: If I don’t take responsibility for my growth, no one else will.
It must be me.
If I don’t step up and take ownership of my journey, I’ll be swept along by forces I can’t control, drifting without direction. It’s not just about me, though. I’ve learned that taking responsibility means showing compassion for others too—being part of someone else’s story in a way that makes it better. If I want to see change in the world, if I want to see people grow and thrive, it must be me to start making that difference.
But I want to be honest about something: this is hard. I don’t have all the answers. There are days I fall short of the goals I’ve set for myself. I try to put myself in situations that encourage growth, but the truth is, I never know what those changes will look like—or even if they’ll come at all. The uncertainty is part of the reality I’ve had to accept, and I’m still learning how to navigate it.
What Does “It Must Be Me” Mean?
For me, this idea comes down to two truths:
1. I have to take charge of my own growth. If I don’t, I’ll end up shaped by other people’s choices, without ever creating the life I want.
2. I have to take responsibility for others. Life isn’t just about my journey. If I want the world to be better, it’s on me to show compassion and help where I can.
And here’s the hard part: I don’t always succeed at either of these. There are days I want to take the easy way out, to blame others, or to let someone else take the lead. But when I step back and reflect, I know that if I want anything meaningful to happen, I have to try again. Even if I don’t have all the answers, even if I can’t predict the outcome, I have to start with me.
Reframing “Control” as a Spectrum of Influence
One thing I’ve come to realize is that the idea of “control” might not be as real as I once thought. When I say, “I can control my attitude,” or “I can control my habits,” what I’m really describing is influence. My choices, thoughts, and actions are shaped by countless factors—my past, my environment, the people around me, and even random chance. In the same way, my actions influence everything around me, creating a system where no one thing has sole control.
Instead of thinking in terms of control vs. no control, I try to see everything on a spectrum of influence:
• Some things are highly influenced by my actions—like my daily habits, routines, and how I respond to challenges.
• Other things are more indirectly influenced—like my environment, my relationships, and the opportunities that come my way.
• And some things are far beyond my reach to influence at all. These include random events or the broader systems I live within.
What this shift has taught me is to let go of the illusion of control and focus instead on how I can interact with the world around me. I might not be able to dictate outcomes, but I can nudge the system in a direction that makes growth more likely. For example:
• I can’t control how someone else feels about me, but I can communicate honestly and show up with compassion.
• I can’t control my emotions perfectly, but I can create habits—like journaling or mindfulness—that help me respond more calmly.
This isn’t about having all the answers or knowing exactly what to do. It’s about experimenting, adapting, and recognizing that influence is a two-way street. Just as I influence my environment, it influences me. By being intentional about the conditions I create, I can make meaningful progress—even when the outcome isn’t certain.
Taking Responsibility for My Growth
For me, “It Must Be Me” is a call to take ownership of my growth. No one else can walk my path for me, even when I wish they could. And while I’ve made progress, I’m still learning how to do this every day.
1. Create Conditions for Change
I know I can’t just will myself to change, but I can change my environment. That means:
• Spending more time with people who lift me up and less with those who pull me down.
• Seeking challenges that push me to grow, even when they’re uncomfortable.
• Stepping out of routines that keep me stagnant.
Even when I try to do these things, though, I still fall short sometimes. I stay in my comfort zone longer than I should or avoid a challenge that scares me. But I remind myself that this isn’t about being perfect—it’s about trying again.
2. Be Patient and Resilient
Growth takes time, and it’s not always easy. I’ve had to learn that setbacks aren’t failures—they’re part of the process. Some days, I lose patience. I want results now. But the truth is, real change takes patience I’m still working on developing.
3. Set Realistic Goals
I used to aim for perfection, but now I focus on progress. Breaking big goals into smaller, manageable steps has helped me stay motivated and see that I’m moving in the right direction.
4. Embrace Uncertainty
The hardest part is that I never know how things will turn out. I don’t know if the actions I take will lead to the growth I want. But I’ve learned that uncertainty is part of life. Accepting it—and moving forward anyway—has been one of the biggest lessons in this journey.
Taking Responsibility for Others
“It Must Be Me” doesn’t stop with my own growth. I’ve realized that responsibility extends outward—to the people around me, to my community, and to the world. If I want to live in a better world, it’s on me to help create it.
Why This Matters
Just as others have shaped my life—teachers, friends, mentors—I have the power to shape someone else’s. By helping others grow, I’m not just making their lives better; I’m also creating a ripple effect that spreads far beyond what I can see.
What Compassionate Responsibility Looks Like for Me
• Listening and Understanding. Sometimes, people just need someone to truly hear them. I try to offer that when I can.
• Helping Where I Can. Whether it’s offering advice, lending a hand, or just showing kindness, I look for ways to make someone else’s day better.
• Creating Spaces for Growth. In my community, I try to be the kind of person who supports others’ journeys. Together, we can accomplish so much more than any of us can alone.
Final Thoughts
For me, “It Must Be Me” is both a challenge and a reminder. It’s a challenge to take ownership of my growth, even when it’s hard. It’s a reminder that my actions don’t just affect me—they ripple out to everyone around me.
If I want to create a better life, it must be me to take the first step. If I want to see the world become kinder, stronger, and more compassionate, it must be me to show that kindness, strength, and compassion first. Growth isn’t guaranteed, but when I take responsibility—when I own my story and help others with theirs—it becomes far more likely.
And if I stumble along the way, that’s okay. This isn’t about getting it right all the time. It’s about showing up, being honest, and doing my best.
Because if I don’t, who will? It must be me.
